Don't really know what to say tonight, been feeling a bit rough, like poorly sick, so I should probably head to bed in a few mins.

I need to try and start thinking about where I am going to take my book, so far I only have one new character, I say new character, I have a character name!!!

What I basically need, is sometime to myself to sit and read through all the stuff I have started writing and see whether any of it is actually any good!

What else is on my mind? Well, I have been v. emotional recently, proper crying stuff emotional, for no reason, it started a couple of weeks ago, and I thought it was PMT, but no its not, I am just an emotional wreck! I use the word wreck, I wouldn't exactly say I am a wreck, in fact I am far from a wreck, I am just a bit sentimental maybe, and worried about things, lots of stuff is going through my head, and I am maybe also scared of a few things, and possible situations. I need to proper pull my finger out and look into getting a visa sorted, and then start looking at plane tickets, once those 2 things are sorted, then hopefully I am on my way.

I wonder if anyone would sponsor me, maybe say £10 per friend? that would get me £20 haha.

Bed sleep,

Night NIght

xx

Bewdley ....

I like writing, as I may have said before...

What I dont like is writers block, I hate having nothing to say or write about. I go through phases of wanting to write everything down, and then I go through complete blank phases of having nothing at all to write. I suppose this could be a good thing as it means I have nothing playing on my mind. What I hate more though, is lying in bed with all sorts of things running through my head and not having the energy to get up and write it all down and then forgetting what I was thinking about the next morning! Seems to me though once I get started I cant stop, so maybe I should just keep going as best I can and sit at the computer and see what happens!

I will tell you about what I have been thinking about recently, and the only thing that I can think of.

Bewdley. I love Bewdley, I love my friends that live here, but I hate the small minded people that are here to judge others, the people with tiny opinions in life, the people that look at me and look at the people I am with and judge us.

Example A) I was sat with my sister the other day enjoying a coke outside The Angel. I went to get an ice cream, a lad had been trying to talk to me and Sarah for a while, but we couldn't understand at all what he was saying, so we sort of ignored him. So off I went to get my icecream, when I came back, the lad and his mate had gone, and Sarah told me, that they had been asking her if she was my girlfriend, I mean honestly people can you not see the resemblance? we are practically identical.. What annoys me with this is that people friends/ family of mine are being labeled as Gay by association!

Also what right does someone have to just come up to someone and ask if they are Gay? I don't go around Bewdley asking people if they are straight/ gay/ bi or anything like that, it is clearly none of their business and it is not any of mine. Please people do not assume that you can just ask people something as private as to someone's sexuality!

Example B) A dear friend of mine came to visit me in February, ( yes I know this is a long time ago, but its is an example) We went to the pub to do some Karaoke. Which happens to be one of my favourite things to do in the whole world. My song started and I heard someone say ' who is singing this' to which a girl who's name I wont mention replied ' the LESBIAN' this was said by her in a very bitter way, and in a damn right spiteful way. People please learn my name and not define who I am by my sexuality! It is very annoying.

Example C) Walking through town a couple of weeks ago with my older sister Samantha, minding our own business when a group of lads walks out of the talbot, and shout alright girls, one of the lads thinks it is hilarious to shout thats not a girl thats a lad,this is obviously aimed at me, oh ho ho ho you are so funny. Why do people think thay can do somethign like that? They obviously have SHIT ( sorry Grandma ) in their eyes if they can not clearly see that not all girls wear dresses, have long hair and huge tits nowadays.

This is just a few examples of the type of things I have to put up with in Bewdley, There are many more examples, being called a Lesbian by someone walking past me, being called Dyke for holding hands with my sister, my sisters being asked on more than one occasion, which one of you is the lesbian...

I am lucky I suppose in the fact that I do have such supportive friends and family in my life that do stick up for me on occasions like this. But it is slightly annoying when one is going about their normal day to day business trying to enjoy a night out, that can honestly be spoilt by just one small minded comment, and yes as strong as I make out, occasions like this do upset me. It is hard to ignore.

So yes I have been thinking of Bewdley, but not in a good way, I am sick to death of the place, same people same things, I have bigger things to do with my life, I have stopped drinking, I am saving as much money as I can, and I plan to fly to Australia as soon as I have the money. I want to do more with my life, I want to see the world, and meet other people, I want to see a different way of life! I want this dream to become a reality, so wish me luck folks, lets hope I can get there! xxxxx

things are good?

So yeah I promised something a bit less depressing than the previous blog...

All I can say is that things are better, they are not perfect, but they are much better. I have confidence, I can get dressed, I go out, I have a good time, I am not sitting around doing shit all everyday, I am looking forward to things, I have dreams I can see a way out, I feel so much better. I am actually seeing me going to Australia as actually doable, I really do think I can do it, I have got my arse into gear, I have started to spend less money, I am no longer drinking, I have realised something that I knew all along, I don't really need alcohol, it was an escape. I have had so much fun recently without drinking, I no longer wake up with huge headaches, and feeling gross, my skin looks better, I am looking better! I am feeling better and my liver is probably back to normal size! ha ha!

Things are good! all we need now is around £3000 any ideas how to get it? xxx

So this is a thing I wrote a while ago in my darker shitty depressed days, things are better now!

I am going to write something in a while to contrast the two!

So...
Writing... I love it, I absoultly am addicted to writing all my thoughts and feelings down, Whether it be on paper, a word doc, an email, a status update anything.
I write long emails, and I write long stories, the stories come and go and are always private. I love writing letters to people, but I didnt really have anyone to write to for a while. I see it as therapy, I can write stuff down, and keep it, and then read it back to myself later, and see how things have changed.
I like reading through everything I have written to see how much my life has changed. Take some of my old blogs, about the plumbing, about my life.
Back in January I started writing a journal, I saved it under lock and key, Iwrote altogether about 20 pages over a month. Unfortunatly, it was on the computer, if it was on paper, I would love to burn it right now so I could say goodbye to old things, old lives and the wrong me.
Do you ever get scared? I do. I get scared, im scared of many things, but I am now strong enough to climb over those fears and carry on with my life and live my dreams, and be myself.
I dont want to be 'straight' and write down what my fears are, because well obviously they are private.

I wrote a letter once, a long time ago. Probably a big mistake, I wish I could get it back and burn it. Unfortunatly I cant.

Here is a story for you.

Once upon a time there was a young girl called Jess. Jess was a cool young girl, she had everything going for her. She was young, attractive popular funny and had a good job. She had a lot going for her, thing is though life started to be a bit of a struggle for her, she had so many difficult things on her mind she didnt know how to cope with them, she started walking one day when she fell into a deep dark hole, with very high walls. She reached the bottom, she felt she had lost everything, she was in the dark and very lonely. Things at the bottom of the hole were dark and wet. There wasn't any light and she was scared. She was scared she would never be found, she had fallen on her arm, which is unfortunatly is where she wears her heart, her heart started to ache. She had really hurt herself. She knew she was hurting herself, but couldnt help it.
Jess sat at the bottom of that hole for a long time. She sometimes wondered if she had fell or whether she had been pushed, she also sometimes thought she had purposely fell on purpose. She came to the conclusion it was all three. As Jess explored the bottom of the hole she found alcohol, she drank and drank. She found cigarettes she smoked and smoked. There was food available, but Jess couldnt eat. Everyday she felt sick with her own thoughts of loneliness. Jess was scared of her own thoughts, she contemplated the fact she would never get out of the hole, she thought she would just die there. She thought about the possibilty of who had pushed her. There were a few people, she had given a lot out to before she fell, but didn't feel as though she had got anything back. Jess had been in the hole for a while, she had sat and waited and waited for someone to find her, but part of her knew it was time to start climbing, she started, she fell back she started again, she fell back One day whilst jess was climbing, she got further than she had before and she saw a hand reach down, she wasn't sure whether to take it or no, but she did, she grabbed the hand with both of her hands and didn't let go. When Jess got to the top of the hole she recognised the face to the hand. It was unexpected.
Jess looked at the girl and saw something in her eyes, she started seeing the girl around more and more, she was very grateful. The two of them developed an amazing friendship.
Jess wanted to share everything with her new friend so she did.

One week Jess was going about her normal buisiness when all of a sudden a few old ghosts jumped out on her. She was confused by the old ghosts, they seemed to be following her, it was as though they wanted her to follow them, she didn't want to follow them. She wouldn't follow them, they whispered confusing things to her, mixed messages were to follow and confusing signals, things that Jess didnt need.
They were the ghosts of her past that Jess didn't want to be involved with anymore.

Jess focused on the present and future. The present was good, the future was better. The future was more than a dream it was an opportunity. Jess looked forward to her future.

Racist?

I understand that people have their own opinions in this world.
I feel we in Britain are lucky that we can vote if we want to.

However I do not appriciate people trying to influence who I would vote for if I were to vote anymore. When I got home from work today, there were two leaflets that had been pushed through my door, one for the BNP and one for UKIP. Two partys of Britain that I wouldn't ever vote for in my life. With quotes on the leaflets such as '' We're fed up of being sent ill equiped into foreign wars. The BNP will bring our troops home and ensure that British soldiers are not abused on the streets of our cities by Muslims'' this quote was advertised by a picture of a soldier. Two things I do not like about this quote apart form it being obviously hugely racist are 1) Soldiers are not sent into foreign wars, they are sent into wars that Britain and the Government have started on their apparent war on terrorism.
2) How dare the BNP say that Muslims are beating up soldiers in the street? I have many Muslim friends and they do not go around the streets of Britain beating up soldiers, infact I do not know of any case in Britain where this has happened.
Muslims do not believe in violence and do not abide by it. It is seen as a sin in their religion. Islam do not condone violence in their religion. I feel it is so unfair that because of terrorists all Muslims are seen as terrorists and people to be scared of by small minded people.

According to the leaflet recieved today these are the key pledges from the BNP.

*Oppose the dangerous drive - backed by the other main parties - to guve 80 million low wage , Muslim Turks the right to swamp Britain.*
* campaing to get Britain out of the EU and use the 60 billion a year we'd save to restore the NHS and invest in British jobs.
* Our MP's will give 10% of their salaries to the 'English Fair' fund to give grants to help local community groups celebrate St Georges Day.

I seriously dont believe we are going to be swamped by 80 million Muslim Turks.
I think we need to save more than the NHS and British jobs, people live in poverty in Britain., the BNP cannot change this.
St Georges day celebration what does this mean? The right to ''Paki Bash'' as im sure it would turn into.

I understand that all this is written a bit bizarrely, but I just had to write it down.

If I do find out which member of my town put the leaflet through my door I will personaly send it back to them with a turd in tow, and an anarchy in the UK sign.
Thanks

Who am I!

Well...

Where do I start? 

I am Lulu.  I am in my early 20's.  All the best people call me Lulu.  

I have a job in a college.  I like everything.  I have strong opinions and Big values for life.

I like writing stories and have recently started my first novel.

I think I will probably use this blogspot for stories of my life, my opinions and reflections on all things in my life.

I will put a quick disclaimer... all opinions reflected on this blog are the opinions of me. so if you don't like them, well you can either tell me or just not bother reading them.

xxx